Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Chapter 21

So, long story short, my game wasn't working so I updated it.  Then, it said that I don't have the proper graphics card to play this game anymore.  So, I only have 6 pictures and I'm afraid the rest is a lot of text at the bottom.  To finish this story and for my future stories, I won't be using pictures.  Instead of seeing this as a bad thing, I like to think of it as a positive.  Now, I'll be advancing in my writing and will not rely on pictures to tell the story.  I hope this won't make you stop reading my stories.

I breathed deeply as I looked at the door.  It felt like it took forever for Aaron to come.  Right away, Mia had called him and he was on speaker phone (can it even be called a 'phone?'), and he said- "just swing there a second longer."  I raised my eyebrow at that statement- I guess it was a new way of saying 'hang on for a minute", though saying 'swing' makes it sound like the opposite.

Finally, I saw the door swivel open on its own- you think that we have to open the door our self?  Why no- of course not.  The door is heavy as lead!
I got up as if I was being pulled by a string.  I'm sure I was looking at him, and I guess my expression was weird, because he smiled at me.

Slowly, he made his way to my bed and sat on it.  He took a few minutes to get himself comfortable- never mind that I am dying for an answer here.  He ended sitting very casually.  Like, unprofessionally casual.  I just must be behind on the times, I assumed, because when I looked at Mia she showed no sign of seeing anything wrong.
"So what did you want to know again, TJ?"  I looked at him annoyed.  I had just asked him, and it's the most pressing question a person could have!  I was changed back to an albino, and he has no idea that that's part of my question!
"Why was I changed back to an albino?  I was cured before!  I was normal."  I spoke as calm as I could, but my voice still cracked on the second sentence.
"You were changed back for your own good, you understand TJ?"
I nodded, but rolled my eyes.  Yes, that's what it sounded like, but that doesn't answer my question.  I've always hated it when people stalled and didn't answer your question, but backhandedly mention something that you already knew and is unimportant, in your mind, to the question's answer.
"Alright then.  Merlin wanted you changed back because he suspected that your chromosome with the mutation was not only changed back to make you a non-albino, but somehow your brain was messed with as well, which was connected to that chromosome where your mutation was.  Turns out, that he was right.  God knows how that's possible."  He breathed.  "So, the best way to change your brain back to how it should be was to take out the part of your DNA that changed you to be a non-albino, which in turn would make your brain right again."

I tried my best to sink in what he was saying, but it only half made sense to me.  As far as I was concerned, he hadn't answered my question.  "What was so bad about my mind?"
He sighed.  "Merlin had a theory that you stopped caring about others after your procedure, that somehow your mind was tampered with to make you act this way.  And the more you stopped caring about others- which would happen since it was ingrained in your mind- the harder it would be to change you back.  The extra part added to your chromosome kept becoming more and more apart of you, which was tied in with your mind.  We were able to get that out, but it was harder than it would've been if we tried this weeks ago."
"But, why would it matter if I didn't care about anyone else if that means I get to stay normal?"

"TJ, you want to have positive relationships, don't you?"
I shrugged, knowing that it was dumb for me asking in the first place.


Then he got up, and was leaving without saying anything else.  I called after him, "but why couldn't you have changed my mind to being okay with my condition?"
He left without saying anything, but shook his head, looking at the ground.

For a minute, neither Mia or I said anything.  She just stared at me smiling, and I glowed from her gaze, but I was also humiliated that she had to see me this way.  Why couldn't she have seen me when I looked good?

Then, she broke the silence and started many pointless exercises in the hopes of raising my self esteem.  She didn't help much, but I think I was starting the journey to accepting myself.

Eventually, she left, and I watched her go with sadness.  I didn't want to be alone again, though I was fine earlier with it being just me and my virtual reality glasses.  After seeing her, I didn't think I'd be satisfied with spending a moment without her again.  It didn't matter that she was seeing the sorry me, it just mattered that I was seeing beautiful her.  But maybe if she told me I was handsome- and not a shadow of a human being- then I may just be okay.  That's what she didn't get- that would be all it would take.  It doesn't matter what I think of myself, it's what others think, and everyone has always looked at me differently like this.  If she- just one person- told me that they are wrong, that I really am handsome... then I wouldn't need any of this counseling.  But honestly, the counseling can't be so bad if seeing her is part of what it entails.

After a long afternoon and evening of messing with virtual reality, I went to sleep.  My adventures using the glasses just weren't the same after all that has happened today.  No matter which thing I chose to do, nothing quite satisfied me like it had earlier.  My mind kept going back to Mia.
**********************************

I woke up with a memory of a dream I had which was about Mia.  First, I was in what I thought was my room, and Mia was with me, and we were sitting on two seats with a table in the middle of us, just like we really did yesterday, but they looked different.  They were all wood, as if we really weren't 'in the future'.  She was smiling at me and said, "wow TJ, you look so handsome.  Just check out your tan skin!"  She touched my skin soothingly.
Then, I was back at my house which was a mirror image of the house I used to live at- Trish's, and Mia was still with me.  She gave me a disgusted look.  "TJ, what ever happened to your glorious tan skin?  Now you're so white that you're brighter than a piece of paper!  You are a mere image of a human being!"  After she spoke, I started balling and she left me with disgust, as if I were a fly.  She said, "oh god, that thing is so despicable!"  The sadness and despair I felt in my chest was indescribable.  I just wanted to curl up and die, because if she thought of me like this, how could I think that anyone would be okay with me as I am?

The dream left me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and my chest still sagged with despair.  I got up and changed for the day to get ready to leave my room.  I didn't want any food sent to me, I needed to get my... condition out of my mind.That would be the only thing that would keep me sane.  Surely she doesn't think of me how she thought of me in my dream?  I nodded to reassure myself that she didn't, and I pictured her smiling at me.  If she thought I was despicable, she sure didn't show it on her face.

I walked through the halls, and passed many doctors and nurses (I didn't see any patients, I supposed because it was still on the early side).  Some of them gave me long glances when they noticed what I am.  Albino.  That's all one needs to describe me.  I put my head up and smiled at them in response- that's what Mia said I should do when someone stares at me a moment too long, that it should help make me feel better.  I was surprised that it did.  Really, though, I was doing that just in hopes that I would see Mia walking down the hall, because if she saw me doing that, she'd be proud of me and give me one of her superstar smiles.

At first, I had to force my head up and my smiles were weak, but eventually my smiles became... cocky, as if it's a good thing to be albino- you should be jealous of me.  After all, who stands out more in a crowd than the white guy?  No one.  I had to start thinking of my condition as something that makes me unique and interesting.

But I was still far away from that point.  Behind my cocky smiles and overall confident appearance- I was still a mess, even though I tried to banter with myself otherwise.  My self esteem has been diminished for too long for a day of counseling and implementing the advice to make me better.   


Finally, I made it to the elevators.  On seeing the elevators, I laughed.  They just looked like ordinary elevators.  Sure they were all glass and everything- but other than that, they were your ordinary elevators.  I was expecting more from future technology.  But hey, I suppose that technology isn't advanced everywhere.  Maybe elevators are a perfectly okay way to move up and down and there's no immediate need to upgrade them like versions of a computer are (as they are so vital to life).

Mid laugh, I heard someone else starting to laugh as well.  The laugh was feminine.  I turned my head, and was surprised to see Mia standing a few feet away from me.  I spoke to her immediately, "shouldn't you be counseling someone?"  She noticed me and laughed harder.    
"My bad, I didn't know it would be so strange for a counselor to counsel."  She.  Continued.  To.  Laugh!                                                             
"You're so funny TJ.  I'm just going up to get some breakfast is all."

A grin spread across my face.  "Is that so?  That's exactly what I was going to do!"
"Well then, let's go."  Without either of us pressing the button for the elevator, it opened.  I watched as a few people got on the elevator, and Mia and I went in last.
**********************************************
We found a table by one of the windows after we got our food.  Strangely, all of the windows were covered by heavy, thick drapes.  It was impossible to see anything outside.  I realized that this was true for all the windows in this hospital.
I was going to ask about them, but Mia started talking.  And when she starts talking, all memory of what I'm just thinking fades.  "So, how has it been going?"  I didn't answer her, giving her the sign that I didn't know what she was talking about.  But, I knew exactly what she meant.
"You know, how are you feeling about yourself?"
"You don't think I could change how I feel about myself in one day, do you?"
"Of course not!  If you feel the smallest bit better about yourself, then I've done my job.  If you still hate yourself, then I just know I have work to do."
The latter part of her statement offended me!  "I'm not a science experiment!"
She touched my arm.  "Of course you're not.  You're TJ Evans."  The words in and of them self were not especially profound, but I still took comfort.  Not in her words, but of the way she looked at me.

4 comments:

  1. (D - LUNKER AND HUGE FAN OF THIS STORY, ALSO READ 'MY LIFE AT A LATER DATE')

    I think you did a great work, even without pictures at the end.
    And maybe it's a good thing you can't use pictures in your stories any more. Sometimes people are lazy and just look at the pics, reading just a half or less.
    Also, a writer must make people feel, laugh, cry and so on with the power of words. And pics can also distory the story because not everyone is a "computer wiz" to make them look perfect.
    Anyway, I can't wait to read the next chapter. And I'm sure it will be perfect!

    (SORRY IF THERE GRAMMAR MISTAKES, MY ENGLISH SUCKS)

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  2. Thank you so much! I really appreciate it, I'm sure I'll get chapters out more often now that I don't have to take pictures.

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  3. Wow TJ is head over heels in love with Mia! lol. I'm sorry to hear about your computer problems. But I agree with D. I truly believe a REAL writer doesn't need pictures. Pictures are fun but can be a bit of a security blanket in my opinion. Without them you have no choice but to describe everything in great detail so the reader can see what you're seeing in your mind. And that's exactly the way writing should be. Great job! : )

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  4. even though i like this story and want to continue reading it i won't because without the pictures it's hard for me to understand and I'm pretty sure your a great writer without the pictures but I think I will stop reading now because there are no more pictures. It's just not the same....

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